Last week I talked about the authors and characters I’d like to have coffee with, and this week it’s characters I’d be scared to meet!
(I have anxiety so that’s generally most people, but I’ll try to be discerning.)
Kell – A Darker Shade Of Magic
I had Kell in my “Characters I’d like to go for a coffee with” S4S post last week, but like I said then I doubt he’d have time for my self-consciousness and dreadful awkward patter. He would CUT ME DOWN.
I do want a look at his coat though.
Inspector John Rebus – Ian Rankin
Rebus is a compelling character and his humour and attitude are familiar to me (I live near Edinburgh, where the books are set, and not far from where Ian Rankin is from) but like Kell I think he’d have no time for my nonsense, and I think he’d probably tell me.
Hailey – The Hate U Give
In years gone past I MIGHT have given characters like Hailey the benefit of the doubt, because the internet has made it much easier to be come educated and learn about the lived experiences of other people and why seemingly innocuous things stem from harmful sources and perpetuate negative stereotypes, but she literally has a Tumblr and STILL doesn’t get it. So she doesn’t get a pass from me, and even though I’d probably try to educate her I feel like I’d end up snapping.
Augustus Waters – The Fault In Our Stars
This is a fairly seminal YA text and it’s touched a lot of people and I feel awful for slagging off the main characters but Gus is so boring and pretentious that he makes me gnaw on my own knuckles.
Anyone out of Twilight
Okay I know it’s a bit passé to slate Twilight now but every single character in this series is so unbelievably insipid that I can imagine every single conversation being excruciating. HARD PASS.
Enkir – The Pellinor series
Enkir is the personification of everything I hate: a misogynist, a power-hungry villain, a disloyal and two-faced creep. Someone running behind the scenes to make sure the bad guys win for his own personal gain. Just the absolute antithesis of everything I stand for and we’d probably get into a fight. And then he’d probably try to kill me.
I can’t wait to see everyone’s suggestions! Seems ideal for Halloween…